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."Itwas done with your needs foremost in our minds.Your key teachers all werechosen for steadiness, none of them impulsive.My instructions were explicit:'Don't give you too many abilities too rapidly.Don't open a floodgate ofpowers that might be more than she can handle.' ""How do you know what I can handle?" Still angry.Odrade only smiled.When Odrade continued silent, Murbella appeared flustered.Had she made a foolof herself before Mother Superior, before Duncan and these others? Howhumiliating.Odrade reminded herself it was not good to make Murbella too conscious of hervulnerability.A bad tactic just now.No need to provoke her.She had a sharpsense of the germane, fitting herself into needs of the moment.That was thething they feared might have its source in a motivation always to choose thepath of least resistance.Let it not be that.Complete honesty now! Theultimate tool of Bene Gesserit education.The classical technique that boundacolyte to teacher."I will be at your side throughout your Agony.If you fail, I will grieve.""Duncan?" Tears in her eyes."Any help he can give, he will be permitted to give."Murbella looked up the rows of seats and, for a brief moment, her gaze lockedwith Idaho's.He lifted slightly but Tamalane's hand on his shoulder restrainedhim.They may kill my beloved! Idaho thought.Must I sit here and just watch ithappen? But Odrade had said he would be permitted to help.There is nostopping this now.I must trust Dar.But, gods below! She does not know thedepth of my grief, if.if.He closed his eyes."Bell." Odrade's voice carried a sense of casting off, a knife edge in itsbrittleness.Bellonda took Murbella's arm and helped her onto the table.It bounced slightlyadjusting to the weight. This is the real chute, Murbella thought.She had only the remotest sense of straps being fastened around her, ofpurposeful movement beside her."This is the usual routine," Odrade said.Routine? Murbella had hated the routines of becoming Bene Gesserit, all of thatstudy, listening and reacting to Proctors.She had particularly loathed thenecessity to refine reactions she had believed adequate but there could be nosloughing off under those watchful eyes.Adequate! What a dangerous word.This recognition had been precisely what they sought.Precisely the leveragetheir acolyte required.If you loathe it, do it better.Use your loathing as guidance; home in onexactly what you need.The fact that her teachers saw so directly into her behavior, what a marvelousthing! She wanted that ability.Oh, how she wanted it!I must excel in this.It was a thing any Honored Matre might envy.She saw herself abruptly with aform of doubled vision: both Bene Gesserit and Honored Matre.A dauntingperception.A hand touched her cheek, moved her head and went away.Responsibility.I am about to learn what they mean by "a new sense of history."The Bene Gesserit view of history fascinated her.How did they look at multiplepasts? Was it something immersed in a grander scheme? The temptation to becomeone of them had been overwhelming.This is the moment when I learn.She saw an oral syringe swing into position above her mouth.Bellonda's handmoved it."We carry our grail in our heads," Odrade had said."Carry this grail gently ifit comes into your possession."The syringe touched her lips.Murbella closed her eyes but felt fingers openher mouth.Cold metal touched her teeth.Odrade's remembered voice was withher.Avoid excesses.Overcorrect and you always have a fine mess on your hands, thenecessity to make larger and larger corrections.Oscillation.Fanatics aremarvelous creators of oscillation."Our grail.It has linearity because each Reverend Mother carries the samedetermination.We will perpetuate this together." Bitter liquid gushed into her mouth.Murbella swallowed convulsively.She feltfire flow down her throat into her stomach.No pain except the burning.Shewondered if this could be the extent of it.Her stomach felt merely warm now.Slowly, so slowly she was several heartbeats recognizing it, the warmth flowedoutward.When it reached the tips of her fingers she felt her body convulse.Her back arched off the padded table.Something soft but firm replaced thesyringe in her mouth.Voices.She heard them and knew people were speaking but could not distinguishwords.As she concentrated on the voices she became aware she had lost touch with herbody.Somewhere, flesh writhed and there was pain but she was removed from it.A hand touched a hand and clasped it firmly.She recognized Duncan's touch, andabruptly there was her body and agony.Her lungs pained when she exhaled.Notwhen she inhaled.Then they felt flat and never full enough.Her sense ofpresence in living flesh became a thin thread that wound through many presences.She sensed others all around her, far too many people for the tiny amphitheater.Another human being floated into view.Murbella felt herself to be in a factoryshuttle.in space.The shuttle was primitive.Too many manual controls.Too many blinking lights
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